It’s been four days since we’ve left our little guy at the hospital…and boy have these felt long. Many times when people ask Michelle “what can we do for you…what do you need?”…she sometimes looks at them and says, “You can get me my baby back, that’s what you can do…that’s all I need” - and you can just feel the pain and “missing” she has for Rhyder. Me, I’ve just found it hard to feel it fully yet…I so want to let it all out…cry, scream or whatever shows up…but I know it will come when it’s time, until then, I just seek out quiet and still moments (which have been hard to find) to process all of this, be with God (and my journal) and be with him not being with us in our home.
Over the past 3 weeks we’ve had to “let go” of Rhyder literally dozens of times. It started before he was born, then during his delivery, in NICU, the time he stopped breathing and no heart beat (for 8-9 min) and then the 2-day stint (every 30 min or less) when we thought he was “dying due to his Trisomy 18 diagnosis” and there was nothing we could do but pray for a miracle…he kept choosing to live. There were times when he would stop breathing (this was before we realized he was having Apnea issues) and we thought each time was his time – but he would come back on his own. Then, when we took him to the hospital on the 19th, we again thought, “they will put him back on a C-PAP and regulate his caffeine dosages till they get it right, then we’ll be back home again to put on weight”. THAT DAY, he had all the medical help at his disposal and it just seemed that he was saying, “It’s time – I’ve come to be with you and now it’s time to go” – and he chose. We don’t like the outcome really, being without him in our home just doesn’t feel right, yet it is what we have…so to fight that would be to fight reality…to fight the process of his life…of his choice and God’s. Oh, I don’t think we ever shared this part yet either, the day he went into Texas Children’s Hospital (for 4 days)…they found out (2 days later) that he was positive for the “Swine Flu”…which is what they feel was the primary cause of his death, with the underlying Trisomy 18 genetic issues (as well as his heart, kidneys & brain disorders) to complicate it all. So, there you go… a bit of where we are at the moment…and I’m sure it will change as the clouds come and go overhead, so are our emotions.
I’m not sure how to say this, but there is a part of me that just knows he is still with us…in a way that goes beyond the physical explanation and can only be felt spiritually in my heart. Maybe Caeden, our almost 4 yr olds got it all figured out when he said Saturday night, after we all climbed in bed together… “Mommy, I don’t miss Rhyder…cause he’s in my heart”. Yeah, little guy…that’s right, he IS in our heart – and in every heart that chose to love and be loved by him …and God.
So, now for some details (as we know them) that you’ve all been asking about and we’ve needed to get communicated.
We are holding a “Rhyder - Celebration of Life” service, on Saturday, September 26th, 2009.
We do not yet have a secured location, but should have that all figured out by Wednesday or Thursday. Time should be either at 10 AM or 11 AM (leaning towards 11 AM) in the Houston area. This will all depend on where we can get a church/location with a fellowship hall for possible meal/refreshment to follow. THAT’S been the challenge…some churches have the sanctuary but not the fellowship hall to use…so if any of you still have an option we’ve not checked out…share that with us directly.
During the Service, we plan on: (and this is just where we are at this point)
1) Releasing 25 butterfly balloons, representing each day he was here with us.
2) Our new friend Travis Reed will be donating and creating a DVD slideshow of his life.
3) Reading off some selected “How Rhyder’s life has affected me” Facebook stories (please send them in by email if you haven’t already)
4) Our Friends, Jen Hill, Abby & Dan Buchanan will provide music.
5) Pam Hobart will play, on her Hammer Dulcimer, the “Song for Rhyder” she wrote and played at his Miracle shower..and we played in the OR as he was being delivered. It’s beautiful!
6) Our friend and life coach Jim Spivey will give the message…and he always has a honoring way of sharing…
7) “The Dash Poem” (which has impacted us deeply and which we named our 2nd son “Dash” after)
8) …and whatever else we decide to share… which feels inspired for and about him.
This will be a very “kid friendly” service. We won’t mind if kids fuss or play in the isles a bit…Rhyder might just like all the “LIFE energy” buzz in the room! We will see if there will be child care available at whatever church we use and let you know if you want to utilize it.
NOTE: we’ve never put together a Celebration of life service before for our son…so if any of you have creative ideas to add to the service, please feel free to share them for consideration.
Rhyder Fund/Donations:
Many of you have asked us how you can help with expenses or just whatever… so here’s a few things we’ve come up with that might offer ideas for you to give towards, if you wish (again, this is just a rough list).
1) We are thankful to Earthman’s Funeral Home (Southwest) for donating the cremation services to us…along with urn. Cremation is new to us…most of our family have always buried their loved ones…but we just felt that having a itty bitty casket in the front of a church was too much for anyone to have to see and we don’t always plan on living in Houston…and wouldn’t want his body to be buried here and we be somewhere else. Besides, he is NOT HIS BODY…even though we loved and miss holding it…all 4 lbs of it.
2) We hope all the church fees will be waived…but that’s not for sure yet. So we’ll let you know if that’s an issue.
…we are not all that interested in flowers…so instead of those, we’d be honored if your gifts were directed toward the following:
3) Balloons are about $5 each. We need 25 of them…( a few more to keep maybe)
4) Photos: we hope to print up a few large pictures to place in front of the church…showing off his cuteness!
5) A butterfly charm (or two) from James Avery for Michelle as a memory keepsake
6) Baby Statue w/ butterflies. We don’t even know if this is available anywhere, but since we won’t have a “tomb stone” to visit his grave site, we thought of having a little statue of a baby laying down with butterflies fluttering overhead. Our friends, Kirk & Angie were given a bronze statue, for their yard, with a little girl holding a pinwheel, after their 4 yr old (Dylan Bree), passed away last April…and we just loved that sort of idea for Rhyder too.
7) Food: We have been so blessed by so many people…thank you all for bringing food to the hospital or our home or sending gift cards. As Michelle has stated before… Gift cards at Whole Foods (can be purchased online) work the best for our family…we are on some food/diet restrictions, and WF’s has great take-home meals that just need to be heated…that we love.
8) Home: as you can imagine, getting everything together for the upcoming services and just keep the home running semi-normal has been a challenge. We’ve had people drop in to do our yard, dishes, fold clothes, clean floors, etc…so any help there would be a huge blessing.
9) Time Away: We’ve been asked if we were planning to “get away - out of town” after the service – so we are open for suggestions like… (nearby) beach houses, lake houses, vacation homes and/or amusement parks that some of you might know of/donate/have tickets for – so that we can take Caeden, Dash and ourselves away to just relax a bit…and de-stress. These would need to be close, due to travel expense. We have had some offers too far to get to N.H.,…but travel isn’t affordable at the moment for us.
* BTW: The two grandma’s, who have primarily taken care of the boys while we were in the hospital wouldn’t mind a treat or two either… they have so sacrificially given to our family and we so appreciate it.
10) Living Expenses & Life-Work: this is a hard one to put, but I’ll be very open and honest here. In April, the primary company let my Care/Life Coaching services go (which means me), along with about ½ of their employees…due to cut backs. So, we have literally survived on a few contributors and individual clients and donations from those who believe in our calling and life’s work/ministry to carry us through this time in our lives. We think we will make it through September with our bills… but next month is coming up soon and we trust God will provide the right connections into companies for my services of “caring for others” to be utilized…as it is so needed today. My websites are: www.FreedomLifeConsulting.
Oh yeah, I almost forgot to give you the places to go to contribute – if you wish.
PAYPAL - For Credit Card use (sm. fee to do so) or from PayPal account (free to do so)
Go to www.PayPal.com, Click the “send money online” tab, put in my email address, Dave@FreedomLifeConsulting
BANK OF FORT BEND – for sending in checks/money orders, etc. (can’t use Credit Cards here)
This account was recently set up by our dear friend Jennifer, for receiving donations, for expenses incurred while caring for Rhyder. How it works: Send the check/money order to:
“Rhyder Anderson Medical & Expense Fund” (In the space, “Pay to the order of”) (…and you don’t need an account number)
And send it to their address:
Bank of Fort Bend
12946 Dairy Ashford, Suite 100
Sugar Land, TX 77478
If you have questions… call the bank at 281.276.1810
Or…feel free to send directly to us at our home:
Dave & Michelle Anderson
14007 Kathi Lynn LN.
Sugar Land, TX 77498
281.494.2285
With GREAT LOVE & APPRECIATION for EVERYONE and the BEAUTIFUL OUTPOURING OF LOVE for our family.
Dave & Michelle, Caeden, Dash and Rhyder
PS. If you haven’t already joined the “praying for baby Rhyder Anderson…and family” group, please do so, so that you can get direct email posts to your inbox.
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